Transforming Addiction

Addiction is generally considered a noun. Classically defined as “…a persistent or intense urge…. alters brain function in ways that perpetuate cravings and weaken self-control” Often addiction is associated with negativity like in the cases of drug addiction. Today, I challenge you to examine, recognize your personal addiction(s), and understand that the transformation of it is very possible.

I realized a long time ago that I had several addictions. Initially, I refused to characterize it as such but transparency in the plight of healing made it essential that I was able to recognize it. AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) uses the Serenity Prayer( along with 12 steps) as a motto and to illicit healing:

“To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference.”

I appreciate this prayer and know undoubtedly that there are times this prayer is indicated for specific situations. I completely agree that Courage is needed to make difficult changes. I also agree that there are some things on life’s journey you cannot change. Wisdom is by far my favorite part of this prayer because ignorance is at the root of many issues. Not understanding what can change is what holds us in bondage and a slave to the “right now”. What can we change about addictions present in our lives?

As I stated earlier, I realized I have several addictions. One is that I needed validation. I understand that everyone desires and deserves celebration and recognition but not so much so that in its absence you falter. The root of my validation addiction was the foundational disruption of my parental relationships as a child. In addition, it was planted and watered by the abuses I endured without outlet. I began to create a “ more perfect version “ of myself so that I didn’t have to tell anyone about the ugly pieces of me. I started very young embellishing each story I told about my identifiable successes so no one could see the I healed scars. I actually made “friends” with people who were awed by me because they couldn’t imagine anything other than me as an “angel”🤷🏽‍♀️. Those friends that actually knew the real me also were bamboozled because they just overlooked those small indiscretions or maybe just didn’t understand my REAL journey. It took me many, many years of soul searching, praying,and interactions with others who called me out to decide to accept that I do have an addiction. How do you heal and move forward?

After acceptance I was feeling like, “Whew! I did the hardest part. It’s all smooth sailing now.” THE LIES(I told myself)! I began to realize that transformation of the addiction and acknowledging that you will always have it as a challenge is the hardest part. I somehow thought once I recognized it I would immediately become whole, as if it was never a part of my journey. You see, it is a part of my makeup. It is embedded in my personal testimony.

To move forward with transition I had to change the idea that the definition of addiction is a noun into it being a verb. That’s right! I took back the power of this word or condition. I know that addiction is an action word. No longer used in my vocabulary as a person, place or thing. No longer a descriptive word. Now I walk in my addiction to accept me. I walk in my addiction and refuse to use it as a mask to cover up the ugly parts. I walk in the celebration of my personal progress unapologetic of what others think. I KNOW where I’ve come from. I KNOW my battles. I KNOW where I could be if I had not demanded a different dialogue.

I’ve learned that I’m allowed to love me and appreciate my scars. Often we forget that even through pregnancy as your body transitions you inherit visible stretch marks that are with you through the duration of your life. I encourage you to stretch and embrace who you are. Don’t allow any addiction to demote or characterize you. You may lose extra weight at the end of the pregnancy but look at what is birthed and not the marks it took to create it.

Today choose you, repurpose and transform your addictions to acknowledge that, “ YOU ARE ENOUGH”

#CC’E