The Hardest Stage of Forgiveness

When something or someone hurts you it can be difficult to forgive, especially when you are "right" in feeling wronged. The process of forgiveness is something we have been taught from a little child. We tell our children that they must not just apologize but accept one when it is offered. It is an accepted etiquette rule. It has become something that most recognize is not just beneficial for the receiver but also for the giver. The words, "I am sorry", are often one of the easier parts of the act of forgiving. Yes, pride does often get in the way of uttering the infamous words but its the aftermath that is challenging but determines true healing.

I have had relationships with people that were hurtful and experienced a level of betrayal that was heartbreaking. The acts seemed so unwarranted and I felt as if the pain had attached to me like my own skin. I knew that was an unhealthy space so I put on my big girl panties and forgave the oppressor's, even if they did not verbally ask for it. I felt relieved for a moment and it allowed the memory of the action to become fogged in my mind. This was especially true if I did not have to interact with them again. At some point, I began to see a ever present theme in my life. One that indicated that the hurtful memories were out of my focus but still present even if they were less visible through the fog. I began to realize that there has to be an action attached to an apology. Some of you may think the action is stating ( or believing) that you accepted the apology or that they even verbally gave one. WRONG!

The action that is required is held within the ideal of grace. When you have grace you learn to accept apologies on a different level. You learn to approach forgiveness in a way that provides peace and healing. Being able to do this will require non conventional thought processes and much practice. One way to achieve this change in "noggin power" is to remember ways that you to have been forgiven. Look for the grace that has been bestowed upon you at times that you failed. It will help to keep things in perspective. Another thing I did was examine why did the act hurt so much. Sometimes there is something underlying that has little to do with the current situation that now has challenged you.

You are Enough and allowing the cancer of unforgiveness to metastasize should not be optional. You have too much to accomplish not to put in the work toward complete wellness which may be bound in an unaccepted apology.